A Travellerspoint blog

I'm single and I'm loving no one but myself

Stop seducing me

Guess my topic and you won't be surprised? About singleness, what else? lol

I'm single and I'm okay. Have been freed from unrequited love for quite some time, and I love the freedom. Seriousy, I'm okay. I'm actually loving no one but just myself. I'm not even pining a certain someone. I have crushes, but that's just it. Nothing more, nothing less. I ache sometimes when I see them with a girl, a wife, or a hook-ups. But the ache goes away when I'm not entertaining them in my consciousness.

As you can see, some married guy is seducing me (at least in my opinion and perspective) by being so nice and welcoming to me. I don't see him often. I'm actually avoiding him, and anything related about him. I don't intend to blow him, or seek him. I don't even intend to take him away from his wife, who works abroad, and his son (my former pupil) and a newly born. He is just the most good looking guy so far I actually meet in person. And he is so nice to me. Something I find very weird. How could such a handsome, very masculine, married straight guy gives me such kind of attention?

Most guys I know are somewhat maintaining a "distance" from me, for fear of being seduced cause you see I'm fairy good looking. So these straight guys are kind of afraid to even have a slightest attraction to me so they completely shut their homosexual tendencies by ignoring me, being so harsh to me, or hating me. And most of ugly straight guys I know are just insecure. lol But this handsome married guy is different. Why are you so nice? Okay, is it because I'm a former teacher of your son.?But as you see, I'm already resigned. I teach no more. I work in that school no more.

You've been in my mind lately after that incident in the mall two days ago when you greeted me from nowhere. Imagining that we will be having an illicit affair chokes me. I never want to be a mistress, or a sexual toy for a married guy who longs for her wife who works afar. you may be the most handsome guy I met so far, but you are just another guy like the rest of them. I actually don't understand straight guys who engage in homosexual affair secretly. Most people think it's about money. I don't think so. They love it! It's just an excuse to maintain a "macho" front of not taking a same-sex relationship seriously. And for you Mr. Married Guy, thank you for that attention. Thank you for being nice, but I hope not to see you anymore. I don't intend to fall for you, and never will I. Stop seducing me in my imagination.

I am loving no one but myself. Before, I used to envy hetero couples for having one another. I even envy some same-sex couple who actually fights for each other against all odds. But now, I'm just so N-U-M-B. I am loving no one but myself. Anyway, I got my hands, my penis, and a laptop with internet connection. I have access to a variety of pornographic videos (both homos and hetero). At this stage, it's just all about lust and nothing but lust. I can't be in love, and I won't. And you people who's forcing me to like a girl, enough! I won't listen anyway.

I'm not in love and I'm not wishing anyone in my life. I get lonely sometimes, but I'm fine.

Posted by ASandejas 09:03 Comments (0)

Hiram Na Kung Hiram

Kapag muling natukso si Adan ng isang tunay na Adan.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=fUsb-agYBDg

"O hiram na kung hiram bawa't saglit, wala akong isa mang hinanakit. Basta't kapiling ka'y langit, wala sayo ay papalit. Hinding-hindi ako sa'yo magdaramdam, kahit ika'y isang hiram."

Tigilan mo na ang pagiging mabait sa'kin. Ika'y ama ng aking dating estudyante. Lumayo na 'ko mula ng ako'y nag-resign sa trabaho. Pero muli tayong nagkita sa isang mall kasama ang anak mo. Tinawag mo ko, "Sir" saba'y ngiti mo nung nagkasalubong tayo. Hindi ko itatangging, ngumiti ako ng todo todo pagkatapos nun. Hindi lang ako sanay na may isang gwapo/mistisong "straight" at pamilyado pa na magbibigay saki'n ng ganoong atensyon. Siguro nga respeto lang at pag-kalugod kasi dati akong guro ng anak mo, pero noong isang taon , noong nagtuturo pa 'ko, nahuhuli kitang nakatitig sa mukha ko. Tila ba, nagugustuhan mo ang porma ng mukha ko. Lagi mo rin akong binabati tuwing nagkikita tayo. Walang pagkakataong hindi mo ko binabati tuwing andyan ako sa paligid.

Minsan, palabas ako ng iskwelahan para iabot ang isang libro sa guard kung saan naandon ka ng asawa mo, kalong kalong ang bagong silang nyong sanggol, nakita ko kayong nakatitig sa'kin. Pag-uwi ko, sabay takbo sa kwarto ko at hagul-gol. Iyong ang iksaktong kirot na naramdaman ko ng mahuli ko yung first love ko na may ka-cyber sex. Noon pa lang, tinanggap ko na sa sarili kong hindi ka magiging akin. Lalo na nung bitbit ng kapatid ko ang bagong sanggol na lalaking anak mo.

Pero sadyang tuso ang tukso. Wala na ang asawa mo at lumipad sa europe para mag-trabaho, nagkita muli tayo matapos ang walong buwan sa isang mall. Iyon nga, ng ako'y binati mo. Dalawang araw matapos ang insidente, hindi ka na uli't matanggal sa isip ko. Huwag mo akong tuksohin. Hindi ako kayang dalhin ng pagiging mabait mo sa akin o pagbati mo sa'kin, dahil higit pa 'ko dyan. Bibilang lang ako ng araw, linggo, buwan, at wala ka na uli sa isipan ko, iyon ay kung hindi na tayo magkikita, kahit pagkakataon lang ang may gawa.

Tulad nang kantang ito, di ba't ako'y tao lang na nadadarang at natutukso rin. Maiaalis mo ba sakin na matutuhan kang mahalin? Puwes, hindi pa kita mahal. Hindi pa rin kita natitikman at wala akong balak na gumawa ng paraan para mangyari yon. Basta't sana umayon ang tadhana sa pag-iwas ko.

Posted by ASandejas 03:14 Archived in Philippines Tagged gay_travel Comments (0)

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